


No Secrets

by Again_n_Again



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Blue Lily Lily Blue Spoilers, M/M, au in bllb
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-22
Updated: 2015-10-22
Packaged: 2018-04-27 14:38:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,814
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5052499
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Again_n_Again/pseuds/Again_n_Again
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ronan and Adam decide to dream together to try and create a "dream thing" to wake the herd of cattle and open Cabeswater, but Ronan didn't expect how welcoming his dreams would be to Adam...and it's hard to keep any secretes at all in your own head.</p>
            </blockquote>





	No Secrets

...but the cow did not wake.

***

“Try again” Adam said.

“What?”  Ronan just looked at him, his breath strained with the frustration of failing at this again and again. 

“Try it again.  Right now.  I’ll come with you.”

Ronan looked down at his feet, like he was considering.

Adam continued. “It worked last time with K- “He didn’t finish that trail of thought.  They’d all learned not to talk about Kavinsky, his relationship with Ronan, or his death; it would make Ronan’s anger spike, and he would impossible to be around for hours. Not that any of them really understood all of what happened that night, the night Kavinsky died, and it seemed like Ronan intended to keep it that way. 

But Ronan understood what Adam was trying to say.  Having Adam with him that night in Cabeswater, while he dreamed the larger than life night terror to fight Kavinsky’s fire dragon, was the only thing that had gotten them all out of there alive.  He was pretty sure that both Gansey and Blue owed their lives to the work Adam did there in Cabeswater – giving Ronan the power he needed to work his dream magic. 

Slowly, Ronan nodded.  “It did.” 

Something about Ronan acknowledging their partnership that night, made Adam’s hands sweat; it also meant that he’d give it a try.  Ronan was not always the most logical of his friends, but when he wanted something…really wanted it, he wouldn’t stop until it was his - well, most of the time Adam thought, inwardly compressing his deeply hidden thoughts into an even smaller corner of himself.

“What about you though? Can you try now?”  Ronan asked.

“Can you?” Adam asked back.

“Common, Parrish” Ronan smirked.  He had mastered the cocky tilt to his head, the sly smile that said he had all the answers.  “This is what I do.” 

And Ronan could now.  Ever since that night with Adam in Cabeswater, Ronan had realized something about himself and his power over his dreams.  He no longer allowed the old self-hate to seep into his heart like it used to, and his dreams responded to the new confidence.  Ronan had more control now than ever before; in his dreams and in his days.

“Well,” Adam said, taking a deep breath, he cracked his neck, stretching it from side to side, relaxed his shoulders, and closed his eyes.  “I’ll try to follow you in.”

Ronan wondered if he should move further away from Adam, who seemed content to sleep right here on this cow.  It wasn’t that he was worried about bringing something dangerous back with him, but their proximity to each other in the large Barn made the action feel more intimate than it did when they slept close in Adam’s tiny apartment; there they didn’t really have a choice, they were forced together by the walls and the cocooning effect of the low ceiling.  Here they were choosing to be shoulder to shoulder. 

Ronan tried not to focus on their closeness, but the growing weight of his eyelids.  Sleep came quickly.  When he opened his eyes again, Adam was already there.  _Damn_ , he thought.  _Magician._   Adam’s brow was furrowed.  “It looks different this time.”  He remarked, just causal interest.    _Did it_? Ronan wondered.  He looked around, and then he noticed it too.  The trees were sighing.  Their graceful limbs reached down to caress Adams hair, leaves whispering across his cheek.  _Fuck._ Ronan watched as fields bloomed with flowers in front of their eyes.  It looked like the brightness level of Cabeswater was turned up to max level.  Everything was beautiful; tiny flowers, soft light, and sighing. 

Ronan dared a glance at Adam.  He was already staring back at him, eyes asking a question.  _The_ question.  Ronan’s skin grew hot.  He could feel himself flushing pink.  Why didn’t he think of this?  He cursed inwardly.  Of course this would happen.   It wasn’t a dream of Adam; it was real Adam in his dream!  Cabeswater recognized him as both the Magician and the object of the Greywaren’s desire.  It was welcoming him home. 

Ronan felt his stomach tightened.  He wouldn’t be able to do this.  He couldn’t focus now!  _Think!_   He told himself.  _Get your fucking shit together.  You know how to do this!  You’ve practically mastered this!_ Adam’s gaze was burning a hole into Ronan’s skin.  He turned away, his hand covering his eyes as he tried to shut everything out and focus.  He could do it.  _Think of what you **need.**_ But all he could think about and all he needed were the same thing, it was Adam and he was watching him, large eyes, waiting for something – an explanation, maybe?

“What the Fuck are you looking at?”  Ronan snapped.

Adam just shrugged.  “I like what you’ve done with the place.”  His accent was as strong as Ronan had ever heard it.   Cabeswater didn’t let you hide anything.  You could only be you in this place.  There were no lies, or half truths.

Adam walked closer to Ronan, and Ronan tensed, waiting for Adam to ask the question that Ronan could never answer. 

But when Adam got to him he reached out and touched Ronan’s neck.   At first Ronan didn’t understand.  But when Adam pulled away, he saw what he had in his hand.  It was a small vine, covered with tiny green/silver leaves, unfurling and still growing even after Adam had pulled it off its branch. 

Then Ronan felt it.  He looked down.  Vines were growing up around his feet, wrapping his legs, and making quick work of the rest of him.  Adam had removed the smallest part of the plant that had tried to wrap around Ronan’s neck. 

“Calm. Down.”Adam said, stern.  He was trying to placate him.  But it had the opposite effect on Ronan.  He hated Adam being here while he was losing control.  This hadn’t happened to him in so long!  He had learned how to be here, how to accept himself.  But - there is was.  Adam was here.  The one secret Ronan still wished away, the biggest secret because it held so much more in it than just Adam Parrish.  The more he struggled, the more he hated himself - for losing control, for Adam seeing it.  The cycle was vicious, it was getting stronger.  Of course it would happen this way.  Adam’s hands were working furiously with Ronan’s, trying to tear away the vines.  They were getting tighter, a prison.   The more Adam touched him, the worse it got.  Ronan tired to smack his hands away, but now the vines were too fat, too strong.   They wrapped around his wrists and hands, pulling them down to his sides, pulling him down, dark thorns now growing between the delicate leaves.  “STOP PARRISH!” Ronan hollered.  He hated how desperate and panicked his voice sounded.  Adam didn’t stop, but he did look up, terrified as the vines wrapped around Ronan’s neck.  “Ronan!  Stop it!  Do something!  FUCK!  I’m trying to help you!”

“I don’t want you Adam!” Something about the way he said it.  Maybe it was because he used his given name, maybe it was because he sounded about ten years old, but maybe it was because as he spoke the words, the largest and most viciously thorned vine wrapped so tightly around Ronan’s chest and shoulders that all the air was pressed from his lungs.  He stumbled.  Ronan was falling down.  He wouldn’t help himself.  Adam could see it in his eyes, he was accepting it, letting it claim him.  But it wasn’t fear of the vines or Cabeswater that he saw in his eyes – no, it was fear of Adam as Ronan fell to the ground.

“STO P IT.”  Adam’s voice boomed through the trees, and they shuddered.  The vines stopped wrapping ever more tightly around Ronan, but they didn’t disappear.

“I said” Adam looked up into the sky then, and when he looked back at Ronan, his eyes were cloudy and far away, and totally alien.  “Stop it.  Get away from him.  He is the Greywaren, and even if he won’t fight for himself, I will _not_ allow this.”

Ronan sucked in a deep breath and the vines released him.  Air, or whatever it was he breathed while he was in Cabeswater, had never felt so jagged or wonderful in his lungs.

He scrambled to his feet, as the vines retreated and the brightness of Cabeswater started to show again.  A cool, calming breeze blew across his face.  He heard song birds in the trees, and watched as emerald leaves kissed Adam’s cheeks.                            

Ronan was furious.  It was easy to let the tidal wave of anger wash all the harder emotions away.

“FUCK. YOU. PARRISH!”  He said it oud and slow.  He wanted to make sure Adam heard every word.  He wanted him to feel like Ronan hated him.  “I could have handled that myself.”

“Yeah, whatever.”  Adam said, voice flat. “Come here.”

“What?”  Ronan’s voice still was full of venom.

Adam sighed in exasperation.  “Dammit, Lynch.  I don’t understand this.  I don’t see why you can’t just….” But he didn’t finish.  It wasn’t Adam’s secret either.  It wasn’t his to keep or tell. So he just closed the gap between them.

“Take off your shirt.”

“W-what?” Ronan asked again, but this time his words caught in his throat and they got all chopped up on their way out.  “Why?”

“Look at you!”  Adam said, as he pulled the hem of Ronan shirt up, trying to lift it over his head and awkwardly hanging arms.

Ronan did look, and he could see Adam’s point.  

Blood.  His blood.  

The vines had torn his shirt and much of his pants.   Scratched skin dotted with blood peered out at him through the shredded windows of his clothing.  He looked up Adam, at a loss for words.  He couldn’t even find a curse to utter.  _What was happening?_ It’s not that he had never had dreams where he ended up bloody and beaten before, and it wasn’t even that he never dreamed where Adam undressed him under the sighing trees, but he _knew_ that his was not dream Adam.  This was new territory, and he had no idea where it was taking him.

Adam worked his shirt off, and Ronan let him.  With his arms raised over his head, he closed his eyes, feeling the heat of Adam’s body so close to his.  When Adam stepped back, he opened his eyes and set his arms back down clumsily at his side. 

“You can keep your pants on.”  Adam said with a clipped laugh, and even a little blush to his ears, Ronan thought, but he couldn’t be sure.

Ronan just smirked.

“Lay down.”  Adam continued.

Ronan raised an eyebrow at him.

“You have a bad cut on your back; I’m going to clean it.”

Finally, Ronan found his words.  “I really don’t think that matters here, man.”

“Just do it, Lynch.”

Ronan let out a huff, but thought of how Adam’s eyes had looked when he commanded Cabeswater to do his bidding, and decided it was best to follow orders as well.  As he lowered himself onto the grass, he watched Adam pull something out of his pocket.

It was the cream he had given Adam; he could see the word “manibus” written in his terrible scrawl.  _He keeps it with him._   Ronan’s mind sang.

Adam noticed Ronan’s attention to the container, and shrugged nonchalantly. 

“It’s great for scrapes.  Thanks for it.”

“No problem.” Ronan said, and buried his face in the tall grass, because he wasn’t sure what truths would play across it now.

The cool grass tickled his sides, and the sun warmed him from overhead, but the anticipation of Adam’s hands on his skin, overwhelmed all other pleasures, and he worked to keep his body still, and his heart beat steady.  The grass crunched under Adam’s feet as he made his way over.  Ronan tracked the sound with diligent precision.  He was right over him now.  His heart raced.  He couldn’t stop it.

“Oomph!”  Ronan grunted. “What the Fuck, Parrish!”

Ronan had expected Adam to sit next to him, but instead, he sat on top of Ronan, straddling him, his weight planted just above Ronan’s ass.

“Shut up, baby.  I’m trying to help you.”

“You’re the boss.”  Ronan said without really thinking it through, and a little thrill ran through his body.

Adam slapped the back of his head lightly at the remark, and they both laughed.

Ronan lay still, letting himself _feel_ Adam’s weight on him.  And trying not to think too hard about the fact that he was pinned between Adam’s legs, because…well.

Ronan heard the cap unscrew on the cream and felt Adams hips sway a little with the action of applying it to his own hands first.  Ronan thought he might die from the anticipation of being touched.  Such a simple thing really, but he scrambled to memorize every feeling of the moment.  He wanted to brand his memory with this exact sensation.  He wanted to be able to call upon in later when he was alone in his room, or shower, or…

“Mmmm” Ronan moaned softly, just a sigh really, as Adam finally touched him.  He hoped he didn’t hear it.  Adam didn’t acknowledge it if he did.

He worked on the deepest cuts first.  Letting his fingers gently work the cream in.

“Sorry if it stings.”  Adam said.

“I’m okay.”  Ronan answered, and then relaxed into the feeling of it, letting himself enjoy Adam’s hands on him freely. 

Ronan couldn’t really tell where all the cuts were, but he idly wondered how many there could possibly be, because Adam had been rubbing his back for a while.  At first his movements seemed purposeful, but now his fingers ran over the sides of Ronan’s ribs, between the dip of his shoulder blades, and over his neck, pushing down over his scalp and behind his ears.  Ronan groaned louder this time.  It just felt so damn good.  He couldn’t help it.  There were no other thoughts in his head, just this relaxing wonderful feeling, until Adam shifted to massage lower.

Ronan felt Adam’s hands move down, but as he did, Adam had to shift his weight.  That’s when Ronan felt it.  Adam was hard.  When he leaned over, just slightly, Ronan felt it, unmistakable, like a lead pipe pressed down over his ass.  He hissed, but didn’t move.  He couldn’t move.  His body was paralyzed.  Ice and molten lava somehow were both running though his veins.  Adam got himself comfortable again, and now his hands were lower.  He worked the skin over Ronan’s hips, and Ronan’s back arched at the touch.  His hands worked lower still, his fingers sometimes dipping just under the top of his jeans, never more than an inch or so, and so quickly, it could’ve been nothing at all.  But it wasn’t nothing.  Ronan’s mind was a tornado of what he felt on him: how hard Adam had been - hard enough to feel it through the thick denim of his jeans.  And now, now – Adam was touching him lower and lower, fingers as light as feathers, as the whispering trees, and then as hard stone.  Ronan was clay under Adam’s touch.  Goosebumps came and went so many times, Ronan lost count.

“Are you feeling better” Adam asked.  His voice sounded strange - gravely, like he hadn’t spoken in years.

“Yeah” Ronan said.  “Um, thanks?  Are you done?”  Ronan wanted him to say no, that he was just getting started, but he could already feel Adam’s hands slowing down, wrapping up.

“We should get back I think.  We’ll try doing this again, when we’re more prepared.”

Belatedly, Ronan realized Adam was probably talking about their original reason for coming to Cabeswater, to create a better dream thing, to free his mother, to save Matthew, to wake the heard.  Guilt pulled at him, and the blissed out feeling of this time with Adam was over, like it was just a dream – but then he thought sourly, that’s exactly what it was.

Ronan went to move, to get up, but Adam hadn’t move yet.

“Uh, Hello?  If you want to go, you need to get off me first.”

“Can you not wake up lying down?” Adam asked.  It sounded like a genuine question.  Like he really wanted to know.

“Err…I don’t know…that’s not the point.  Just….”

“You’re tensing again.”  Adam said.  He sat still, his weight firmly planted on Ronan, as Ronan used his arms to try and push himself up. “You’re messing up all my work.”

“Goddammit Parrish!  For someone who never eats, you’re fucking heavy!”

Adam smacked the back of his head again.  “Maybe you’re just weak.”

Ronan slumped back to the grass.  He sighed.  “Yeah.   Probably.”

He felt Adam move, then.  But still, he didn’t stand up.  Instead, Adam leaned forward, his chest bending over Ronan’s back.  Ronan could feel Adam’s thin T-shirt fabric graze the skin on his back.  The fight left him. He was Adam’s.  Completely. 

He just sighed again, gave himself to the grass.  Then Adam’s lips pressed soft and moist the spot where Ronan’s neck met his back.  He lingered there, letting his lips feel the skin under him.  Ronan closed his eyes.  _Was this happening?_

His lips moved, and his whispered breath was hot against Ronan’s wanting skin. 

“Wake up.”

Ronan did.

He was still leaning on that cow in the barn.  His clothes were on, undamaged, but he could feel where Adam had kissed his back, like he was branded there.

He looked to Adam. He was awake already, of course.  They just stared at each other for a moment.  And then Adam leaned in, and kissed him.  They stayed there, lips touching, but not moving at all.  Just breathing each other in.  Then, the cow grunted. Her ears flapped, and her tongue dipped out lazily to lick her lips, and then she stilled once again.  Adam and Ronan looked from the cow to each other wide eyed.  They laughed, breathily and exhilarated.  Then Adam grabbed Ronan’s wrist and pulled him out of the Barn.  He stopped right outside, in a field of impossible blue flowers. 

“Hey man,  what’s going on?”  Ronan asked.

“Uh...well, I just didn’t want to kiss you again with an audience!”

Ronan’s cheeks turned a severe shade of red.  His eyes were wide and unblinking.

Adam just smiled, one hand still wrapped around Ronan’s wrist, the other snaking its way around his back.  Adam curled himself into Ronan who was a statue of stone.  Their lips met, their bodies touched from chests to toes, and when Adam opened his lips, Ronan finally recovered from the shock of it all, and returned Adams attentions with equal intensity. 

Ronan pulled him even closer to him, so close that it bordered on pain.  Their tongues met, their hands raced over each other.  Adam pulled away and then leaned in and bit at Ronan’s bottom lip.  With a growl Ronan pushed his fingers through Adam’s tangle of dusty hair and pulled to the side.  He kissed, nibbled, sucked on Adams neck.  Not painfully, but claiming, teasing.  Adam’s knees buckled, and Ronan lowered them both to the ground.  They lay there, their bodies growing ever more entwined, heat growing to dangerous levels within them. 

“How long?”  Adam gasped between labored breaths.

“What?” Ronan asked, not fully understanding.

“How long have you wanted this?  How long have you kept this from me?”

Ronan pushed his nose under Adam’s ear kissing and then whispering hotly “Forever.  Since the moment I met you.”

A gurgling noise came from Adam’s throat.  He attacked Ronan with renewed vigor.

Ronan laughed a surprised and genuinely happy laugh.

“What about you though?  Is this…I mean, I didn’t think you were…”

Adam just shook his head.  And for a moment Ronan was scared that by talking about it, he had somehow broken the spell, and Adam would realize this was a mistake.

“There were never any boys…just you.  It’s new.  But…I guess, it’s the same for me, when I think about it really.   It’s always been you.  Since the beginning, a part of me wanted this.  It’s just gotten stronger and stronger.

“Thank God!” Ronan rasped, before taking Adam in his mouth again.

They lay like that for a long time, unable to get enough, bringing each other right to the edge and then pulling back.  There was no plan; they just knew they needed to be touching, to be Adam and Ronan. 

**

Ronan dragged his hands over Adam’s bare chest.  Only minutes, or maybe hours had pasted.  The sun looked different.  Ronan planted a kiss directly over Adam’s heart.  Firm and purposeful.  Adam’s breath hitched, even though it was one of the more chaste kisses Ronan had dressed him in this afternoon, it was the most moving.

“I think…”Adam said.  But his voice broke off. 

“What is it Adam?”  Ronan’s voice sounded like Adam had never heard it.  They way he said his name, reverently- it gave him courage.

“I think, um.  Ronan, I think I’m in love with you.  I think I have been for a while.”

Ronan’s grin spread like lava.  Slow and hot and powerful. 

He climbed on top of Adam, holding himself up on his elbows - their lengths almost matching up perfectly.  He was just slightly taller than the boy under him.  Adam looked nervous, vulnerable for the first time in a long time.  With both hands pushing back the hair that dusted Adams brow, Ronan said.

“Oh boy…That was hot, Parrish!”

Adam laughed and rolled his eyes.  He tried to push Ronan off him, but Ronan’s knees were firmly planted in the ground.

He used his fingers, still twined in Adam’s hair to pull his gaze back to his.

“Adam, I have loved you from that first second.  I love you.  I thought I would go crazy with it before.  Fucking shit!  I mean, I LOVE you.  I don’t remember ever being as happy as I am right now.”

Adam blushed, tucking his hands mischievously into the front of Ronan’s jeans.  Ronan groaned appreciatively.

But just then they heard a noise.  Not just a noise but a cacophony.  It was the cow.  No, not the cow.  _All_ the cows.  The heard was awake. 

Like the final key in a series of complicated locks, Ronan let go of his last secret, and the gates of Cabeswater were open to him. 

Adam and Ronan looked at each other, eyes wide.  Ronan kissed Adam one last time, and then jumped up running into the barn.  Adam smiled.  Ronan would be okay now.  Everything would be okay.  He followed him in to the Barn.  There was work to do today.  But tonight…well, the nights were for just them now.

 

 

 

 

 

 


End file.
